Tdsc ep 1
"Hello, everyone!" said Chris McLean, as he stood on the fields of Pahkitew Island. "We're back! Miss us? Yeah, I'm sure everyone did. Last season, which was also held here, we watched 14 new contestants compete for the million dollar prize, and Shawn was victorious in the end! But what about the earlier boots who didn't necessarily get a chance to shine? Does anyone remember or care about them? Well, we did, because this season, we're bringing back twenty-two of those early outs for another chance to nab a million bucks! They just have to survive Pahkitew Island and its unstable environment! Who will win? Who will be introduced first? Who will annoy their fellow competitors? Probably everyone. Find out this season on Total... Drama... Second Chances!" (theme song plays) "Welcome back to Total Drama: Second Chances!" Chris said, looking around, "Here comes the first boat now!" The first boat rolled up, and out walked a short skinny ambiguously brown teen, Noah. He walked out of the boat and looked around, seemingly unimpressed with the island, "Yeah, I'm already regretting this." "Noah! Our resident snarker and perpetually unhappy guy, who for some reason the fanbase loves!" Chris said, in a mock cheerful tone. "Trust me, I know the fanbase loves me, they won't stop letting me know no matter how much I'd prefer them to just leave me alone," Noah said, rolling his eyes. "Well, I'm sure your character will be destroyed by the writers anyway if you last long eno-- I mean, uh... Here's the next boat!" said Chris. The next boat pulled up, and a pale girl with a pink dress and short black hair bounded out of the doorway and landed next to Chris and Noah. "Greetings, fellow cam-- Oh, there's not many of you here yet! More time to train my vocal chords!" she said cheerily. "Oh great, you're here," Noah said. "Yeah, that's what I said, but the producers loved her!" Chris replied, "So... welcome Ella." Noah reached into his pocket and pulled out an earbud and a small book, and began to read while listening to the music and appearing generally uninterested. "Oh, my friend, it's always time for music! You seem to like music too, just... different kinds! That's okay, though! Laaaaa-laa-laaaaaaaaaaa..." sang Ella. Noah just sighed and looked at his book. The next boat floated ominously towards them, and evil music was playing. "BWA HA HA HA!!!" A short, sickly grey skinned boy with purple hair and many chins stomped out of the boat. "Quake in fear, for I have arrived!" "Welcome Max!" Chris said, excitedly. "You're lucky I reviewed the tapes and figured out you actually didn't do anything wrong..." "EVIL always triumphs! So this is no surprise at all!" Max said, evilly. "Wow. This is like worse than Alejandro," Noah said in a complete deadpan. "Can't wait to see what diabolical schemes you'll come up with." "You will never see them coming, for EVIL strikes when least expected! BWA HA HA--" Max began coughing loudly, "I really need to work on that laugh, but evil has no time to practice!" Ella pat Max's head. "Oh, you're still the cutest little gnome, aren't you?" Max looked at her angrily, "You shall be the first of MANY victims!" "Aww, you're so CUTE!" Ella poked Max's nose and fluttered off. Hardcore music played and a foot was shown stepping onto the dock loudly. An athletic, rather intimidating girl with a unibrow and an angry expression walked towards Chris. "Ladies and gentleman, iiiit's--" began Chris. "Can it," Eva snapped. "Cut the introductions. Nobody cares. I'm here, and I'm here to win, and that's it." "Hey! You're back!" Noah said, attempting to not anger Eva. "We... yeah, we totally missed you! Whoo-hoo, Eva's back!" "She will be a perfect minion for my treacherous schemes," Max plotted. Eva rushed over to Max and grabbed him by the shirt. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" Max made a whimpering sound and slipped out of her grasp. "No matter... evil is like a lone wolf..." Eva then walked towards Ella, who was humming loudly to herself while holding a bird on her finger. "Oh hello there!" Ella said, looking at her. "Bye," Eva said, walking away from her. The next boat came along, and out walked a skinny blonde girl wearing a cheerleading outfit, "Welcome... uh, Amy?" "I'm Sammy!" Samey said in an irritated tone. "Whatever," Chris replied, shrugging. "Wait, aren't Katie and Sadie coming too? Really? You couldn't dig up anyone else?" Noah said. "Like, people with actual personalities who don't just rely on other people?" "Uh, I'm right here?" Samey said, looking at Noah. "Yeah, I know," Noah said, looking back at his book. Samey sighed and walked towards the others. "This obviously isn't interesting enough, so here's the next contestant!" said Chris. The next contestant walked up, and he was a well built Hawaiian guy with a lovely smile, which he flashed to the camera at every possible moment, "Hey," he said. "Justin! What's up?" Chris said to him. "Oh nothing much, just modeling and looking all around amazing," he said, flexing. "Hey, look, it's the Anti-Me," said Noah. He then went back to his book, while Samey, Ella, and even Eva were ogling at Justin. Samey looked at him, "Wow! You're really good looking!" "Thanks," he said, flexing. "Evil flexes too!" said Max, as he rolled up his sleeve and revealed his disproportionately small and noodle-resembling arms, but everyone just ignored him and stared at Justin's manliness. "Hey little fella, not everyone can be as gorgeous and good looking as me, so don't feel bad," Justin said to Max in a particularly condescending tone. "Evil does not have to look gorgeous to get its job done!" Max yelled. "Besides, not many women can score someone as dazzlingly malevolent as I." The next boat arrived, and out hopped a morbidly obese female with pink clothing and a ponytail. "Ja, my hair grew back because people said I looked gross bald so I got my daddy, the richest man on the planet, to take me to an expensive hair salon and they totally got me some hair pills and I took them and my hair was entirely back, ja," said Staci. "Hey, guys! What's new with you guys? I'm just hanging out, being the most attractive woman of all time. Justin has a crush on me because I saw it on the official Total Drama fan blog. Sorry, other girls. So sad." "...Yeah, I'm not sure how even to respond to that," Chris said, looking at her weirdly. Staci then walked over to Justin and looked at him, "So like wanna make out now because you totally had a crush on me?" "Uh, I would but I have to go do something else," Justin said, walking away from Staci. "Oooh, the handsome prince is in my presence!" giggled Ella, as Justin approached her. "Handsome prince? I can get used to that," Justin said, flexing towards Ella as she whistled. Staci then glared at the two. A boat's horn was heard, and then the sound of the boat speeding into the distance, but there was no boat in sight. Instead, a boy with lots of facial hair and a large afro was shown at the edge of the dock, making the noises from his mouth. "And next is... oh, it's the beatbox guy." Chris said, rolling his eyes. "Everything's better with a little..." Beardo began to beatbox, "sooooooooong!" He sang, in a falsetto. "Wow, somebody spontaneously grew vocal cords," Noah said. "Well I think it's nice someone else loves music like I do!" Ella said, excitedly. Beardo looked at her and beatboxed some more. He then gave a thumbs-up, accompanied by an arcade-style "jackpot" sound. Noah rolled his eyes, "Lovely," he said as the next boat pulled up, and two girls wearing identical clothing walked out. "Oh my gosh Katie we're here again! EEE!" Sadie exclaimed, hugging Katie. "I know I'm so excited!!! EEE!" Katie replied, equally excited. "Season one's very own screechy annoying girls, Katie and Sadie!" Chris said, gesturing to the two. "I'm so glad my sister and I aren't like that..." said Samey meekly. "Ugh, and to think THEY were the only ones other than me to compete in only ONE SEASON?! I was ROBBED, McLean," Eva shouted. "Eh. What can I say? We found Jo, who was much easier to deal with in every way possible," shrugged Chris. "Don't take it personally." "This island looks soooooo cool, Katie!" gushed Sadie, as she bumped into Staci. "Ugh, watch where you're going, I don't want to deal with commoners like you. Fun fact, I usually wear authentic peacock print dresses. I didn't want to take them to the island though because they would totally get dirty, ja," she said. "Commoner? Uh, rude!" Katie said to Staci, clearly offended. The next boat arrived and a loud reveille blared, deafening people momentarily, a well built guy in army clothes and a laughably flamboyant scarf walked out of the boat, "Private Brick McArthur, fashion student, reporting for duty SIR!" He saluted, but hit his head. "Brick, welcome to the island..." Chris began, but then started laughing, "Okay, okay I'm sorry, what's with the scarf, dude?" "I made it myself! You like it?" Brick said, proudly. Chris then began laughing loudly, as did Eva and Justin. Beardo made a WAH WAH WAH noise and Brick looked down. "I think it looks nice!" Ella said to him, Brick looked up at her and smiled. "Really?" He asked. "Yes!" Ella replied. "Why, thank you!" said Brick. "Of course, my army skills are still intact. In fact, I've been perfecting them! This year off of Total Drama has given me better reflexes than ever before! And... better crocheting skills, too. Heh." Another boat's horn honked, and the boat disappeared. A muscular, cute, handsome, and very shy orange haired farm boy with overalls, freckles, and a cleft chin walked out. "Welcome to the show, Rodney!" said Chris. "Hey, guys!" he said. "Pleasure to be back. I promise I won't be as much of a heartbreaker this time. I feel really bad for all the damage I did to the ladies of Pahkitew Island. Sorry... ladies." "Wait... what?" Samey said. "Oh, well you weren't there Samey, but me and your sister, Amy, we were--" Rodney began. "Gross, I don't need to know any more if it has to do with that horrible person!" Samey said, backing away. "Oh, poor guy, having some lady troubles?" said Justin, who had randomly become shirtless and had Katie and Sadie surrounding him and squealing. "Can't say I can relate. Sorry, kid." "Well, I mean, I just--" began Rodney. He spun around and came face-to-face with a very short, pale girl with a green sweater and long white-blonde hair. "Greetings, everyone!" said Dawn. "Dawn?! How did you... Hey, you were supposed to wait for a formal introduction before popping out of nowhere like that!" scolded Chris. Rodney began to blush and his eyes turned watery, as he stared into Dawn's eyes romantically. "I... you! We are... cabbages in... uh..." Rodney then covered his mouth and ran away. "I'm sorry, did I come at a bad time?" Dawn said, looking around. "You're on Total Drama. What did you expect, some sweet old ladies having a tea party?" Noah said dryly. "Well I can certainly tell that you are using your dry humor to compensate for some sadness deep inside of you, and that the tall boy who ran away from me has deep abandonment issues," Dawn said, looking directly at Noah, who just stared at her, slightly alarmed. "...Yeah, uh..." Chris said. "I don't really know how to respond to that." "Well, Dawn, I'm afraid you've met your match," said Max. "For my massive brain has advanced to the point where I can see into the future... for a total of FIVE SECONDS! Your silly little aura reading is no match for my pure eeeevillll." "Well... your aura matches your hair!" Dawn said, looking very intently at his rectangular body, "There is much of note to say here, for one you have a deep love of--" Suddenly a boat horn blasted out, and a tall black guy in a robe walked out, holding a spell book and wand. "Hm, what kind of spell could I use to make this boat ride go faster..." he said, looking at his book. "Oh! I'm here! Hey, guys." He walked off of the boat and waved, dropping his book onto the edge of the dock, where it sat there, ominously. "Phew! That was close!" He reached down for it, and then it fell into the water, "No! My spell book!" He reached down into the water and got the spell book, only to realize his paper robe got soggy where he reached his arm into the water. Max began laughing evilly. "Oh no!" Leonard exclaimed, "My spells, my robe! Oh well, I have my spells memorized anyways!" He laughed loudly. Max then sighed. "Leonard! Great to have you back!" Chris exclaimed as the wizard walked across the dock and towards the others. "Greetings!" Leonard exclaimed, and nobody replied at all. "Oh, it's nice to see another contestant involved in magic!" said Dawn. "My friend, you could use some pointers, but it's great to see training!" "Training? I am a level 100 warlock!" Leonard said, looking at Dawn. "Oh, that's funny," Dawn said, laughing slightly. "It's nice to see you try, though!" The next boat arrived, and a pudgy guy with curly hair, glasses, and stubble, who was holding a handheld video game system, stepped out. "Heh-heh. Hey, guys!" said Sam. "Good to be back. But not really." "Welcome back, Sam!" said Chris. "Still not sure why you were in All-Stars. But whatever, this'll be your chance to redeem yourself!" Sam walked to the end of the dock. "Sooo..." He then saw Leonard. "Hey, you look like a fan of WarlockQuest II. Ever played that? I just got an upgraded staff. It's pretty cool." "Oh, yeah, it's awesome!" said Leonard, slipping out of his persona for a second. "I mean... No, I have no time for your silly little simulations! I'm the real deal!" "Yeah," said Noah, finally piping up. "Whatever. Kosmic Kaos, my favorite MMORPG, is the all-time best. Not surprised that you guys play such low-quality garbage like that." "That's lame, man," said Sam. "I wonder when Dakota's coming? I know she'll be here eventually." Justin scoffed. "Who cares? Being nerdy is so uncool," he said. "Wouldn't you prefer to have rippling abs like mine? I know you would." "Did someone say... Dakota?" said a blonde girl walking down the dock, she looked directly at the camera and blew a kiss, "That's right, Dakota Milton is back! I know you all missed me but wait no longer!" She giggled and walked towards the others, some of whom rolled their eyes. "You were supposed to wait for me to introduce you!" Chris whined loudly. "Hey Dakota!" Sam said, excitedly. Dakota then hugged him. "Sam! I didn't know you'd be on this season!" Dakota said. "Uh, we were told we were gonna be on it together, remember?" Sam said to Dakota. "Oh, well then I'm glad you're here!" Dakota said, hugging him. "Sorry for interrupting this touching reunion, but last I saw of you, you were a gigantic monster," Noah said, looking up at the seemingly normal Dakota. "Daddy used his vast wealth to get the BEST doctors to cure me!" Dakota exclaimed, "Sammy here liked me the way I was, but do you KNOW how hard it was to get a cute top in triple XL? Like, impossible!" "Sammy?" Samey said to herself, and got no responses. "Riiight," Noah said, looking back at his book. "Speaking of monsters... Well, as much as I regret saying this, our next contestant is here," said Chris, announcing the newest arrival. A boy wearing a toque, sweatshirt, and jeans with shaggy hair and a wispy goatee stepped out. He had a bit of a disheveled appearance and slightly green-tinted skin, but looked normal other than that. "Yo, yo, yo!" Ezekiel said. "I'm back, eh!" "Welcome... Zeke," Chris said, clearly unhappy. "Y'guys are probably wonderin' why I'm back to normal, huh? Well, after Wawanakwa sank, I used my gnarly new swimming skills to get back to th' farm and got nursed back to health by my parents! I knew they was cool, eh," said Ezekiel. "You guys scared of my awesome skills yet?" Everyone just looked at him, blankly. Max looked at him and Dakota, "But you guys were going to be my evil monster minions! Curses!" He exclaimed, shaking his fists to the sky. "Uh, right homes," Ezekiel said, walking past the gnome, "Yo homeskillet what's shakin'?" He said to Justin, who was flexing his muscles to the delight of Katie and Sadie. "I'm not even sure what you just said, but I don't like your tone," Justin said, not taking his eyes off his muscles. "Ja, my great great great aunt Gertrude invented muscles," said Staci. "Before her, everyone was as athletic as this guy." She pointed to Noah, who said absolutely nothing. "Hah!" Ezekiel laughed, loudly. "That's funny." Beardo made the noise of a sitcom laugh track. "It's actually kinda sad because it's completely true," Staci said, looking at Ezekiel, "like, think about it nobody was anywhere near as built as these guys," She said, pointing to both Justin and Rodney. Rodney then looked at Staci and immediately blushed, he then made a whimpering noise and backed away sobbing. "Uh what's his problem?" "Nobody knows," Samey said. The next boat pulled up, which was blaring loud rave music, and out walked a heavily tanned Italian girl wearing revealing clothing and hoop earrings, "Anne Maria is in the house, and I'm gonna win because last time some no good zombie-boy robbed me of a million!" "Resident reject, Anne Maria is here!" Chris exclaimed loudly, "Oh, and 'zombie-boy' is over there, heheh." He gestured to Zeke, who gulped loudly. "Come here you little..." Anne Maria said, angrily walking toward Ezekiel, who began running. Justin then tripped him. Ezekiel cowered, "I'm sorry yo it was a mistake!" "You're right it was! It was a mistake to take my money!" Anne Maria yelled, Leonard then jumped in front of Ezekiel. "FORCE FIELD!" Leonard yelled, throwing his arms in front of him. Anne Maria then pushed him out of the way. "You're lucky I can't touch you or else I wouldn't be able to get tha' million!" Anne Maria yelled in Ezekiel's face. Ezekiel then crawled away. "Gah, ain't there any gentlemen around these parts?" Anne Maria groaned. "Oh, yes. Evil must be suave and gentlemanly, in order to maintain its facade of niceness," Max said. "BWA-HA-H-- I mean... Please, allow me to take your bags, m'lady." Anne Maria threw her massive, cheetah-print suitcase at Max, and it hit him on the head. He made a squeaking noise and fell to the ground, "I can get used to this!" She then began filing her nails. "Oh, yes, the road to a sidekick is very tough, but I am conquering it!" Max said. "Oh, Max. If only you weren't neglected by your parents, then I could see you becoming a nice boy!" Dawn said, mysteriously popping out of nowhere. The next boat appeared, and an "EXTREEEEEEME!" was heard out of nowhere. A slightly well-built boy in a red track suit and headband flew out of the boat on a skateboard, but skated right into Anne Maria and was knocked out by her hair. "'Ey! Watch it!" she yelled. "Hey, guys! I'm back and ready to rock this game!" Tyler said. "I'm even better than before." "Yeah," Noah said. "Better at getting injuries." "I appreciate your athleticism, soldier!" said Brick. "You truly are a trooper. I don't know how anyone could survive your injuries. You're a daredevil! Definitely not a chicken." Tyler shuddered at the mention of the word 'chicken', as did Rodney. "Yeah, my dad says I'm like rubber, man!" Tyler said, "He says I could be thrown from a car and still be alright! I think it's the finger strength." "You suck, get over it," Eva said while lifting weights. "Harsh, dude," Tyler said. Eva shrugged, "Yeah... I get that. A lot." The next boat pulled up, and out walked a blonde girl in a cheerleading outfit, she had a mole on her cheek, and a slightly insane look in her eye, "Hello every--" She looked directly at Samey, who looked directly at her, "SPAREMY!!!" "Oh no..." Samey said, backing up, "I thought she wasn't going to be on this season?" She asked Chris, clearly alarmed. "Yeah, we wanted to put one more contestant -- whose name totally isn't Max -- on, and so the producers wanted 'equal gender representation', whatever that means. Not my fault," said Chris. Samey sighed, "...this is going to be awful, I just know it," "Oh trust me, it will be... I will make SURE of it!" Amy said, approaching Samey. Noah laughed slightly, and the twins glared at him. "What." Noah said, completely monotone. Amy rolled her eyes as the next boat arrived, out walked a tall teen with a gigantic rectangular head and a guitar case, he looked around, "Hey Chris, long time no see?" "Trent, good to see ya man!" Chris said, high-fiving Trent. "Wow this looks like an... interesting group of people," Trent said, trying not to sound mean. "Hey you're dat poser who freaked out after Gwen went out with Duncan, hah what a poser am I right guys?" Ezekiel exclaimed, offering a high five to Justin, who didn't return it. Trent frowned. "Hey, well, at least I wasn't the first boot twice and didn't turn into some... green... thing," he said. "Yo, the green-ness was just me goin' through some changes! But it's all done now, guy! Just watch! I'm agile and cool!" Ezekiel said. "Yes, why are you even here?" said Max. "You have had plenty of time on this show. Begone!" "Uh, dude, you got fifth place," said Trent calmly. "...Point taken," Max said, walking away. "And now time for our last contestant!" Chris exclaimed loudly, trying to get everyone attention, which didn't really work, "Our last contestant is Brid--" The final boat pulled up, and out walked a tall, slender blonde woman in a red dress who looked at the screen, "That's right, Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran is here!" Chris gasped, "Mildred?! What? Where is Bridgette?" "Probably sucking face with her disgusting boyfriend," Blaineley scoffed, "But enough about her and more about me! I am here to win!" "I... don't even know if I want to let you on the show this time," said Chris. "Oh, silly McLean," said Blaineley. "I already went through all that with the producers. Made up some story about Bridgette getting eaten by a bear or something. I have some advanced lawyers if you're trying to prove me wrong. Point is, I'm baaack!" Chris sighed loudly, "Fine, Mildred--" "My name is Blaineley!" Blaineley exclaimed. "Fine... Blaineley is in, great." Chris said. "Okay. So, let's get to it! You've probably noticed that we haven't split you into teams yet." "Every season you never split us up until we go through some sort of pain and/or suffering," Noah said dryly. "Riiiight," said Chris. "Anyhoo. As always, there is the outhouse confessional for you guys to dish your DIRTIEST, NASTIEST SECRETS to Canada! Now, onto the challenge! Around Pahkitew Island, there are bags that contain small, colored discs. These discs have your team's logos on them! Basically, your job is to find a bag for yourself. They're evenly distributed, and you CANNOT open them until you get back here. Got it?" "Ja, my great-great-great uncle Reginald invented discs," Staci blurted out. "Before him, people could only play frisbee using roc--" "Shut it!" Chris said angrily. "You guys have 20 minutes to find the discs. If it takes longer than that... well, it shouldn't, but we have some tricks up our sleeve if it comes to that." He pulled out an airhorn. "Go!" Everyone then began running, except Noah, who sighed loudly and began walking behind everyone else. Noah was seen in the confessional, "Another challenge where Chris throws us in the woods to fend for ourselves, these always go well," Sam, Dakota, and Leonard are seen running together, Dakota looks back at Leonard weirdly, "Why is this creep running with us?" "Creep? I am not a creep, I leveled up past that rank months ago!" Leonard replied, loudly. "Aw Dakota, he's actually kinda cool!" Sam said to Dakota, "Besides, strength in numbers... or something, right? Heheh." "I guess you're right... but he better not get in the way of my camera time!" Dakota replied. "Uh, alright!" Sam said to Dakota, laughing slightly, "Ugh, where are these bags anyways, they have to be close..." "Baggicus spotticus!" Leonard shouted. He then noticed a bag poking out of a bush. "Hey, it worked!" He grabbed the bag and sprinted away, leaving Sam and Dakota to fend for themselves. "...Oh. Heheh." Sam said, scratching the back of his head while Dakota glared at him. Meanwhile, Rodney was running around looking, he spotted a bag and grabbed it, "Awesome!" Suddenly, Anne Maria walked by, complaining about the woods. Rodney sighed in the confessional, "Man, so many nice girls here... last season I let my relationships with Jasmine, Scarlett, and Amy got the better of me... but this time I'm not gonna let romance get the better of me! Not in a million years!" "Ugh, these dang mosquitos are ruining my flawless skin, this is cruel and unusual punishment!" Anne Maria shrieked. Rodney's eyes then met Anne Maria's, who looked at him, "What's tha' matter with you?" "Me... uh... you... uh... here," Rodney then gave Anne Maria the bag and ran away. Anne Maria then smiled and walked back. "Now THIS I can get used to!" Anne Maria said in the confessional, holding up the bag. Noah and Tyler were shown walking, with Eva silently trailing them. "Dude, I hope we're on the same team again!" Tyler shouted. "I just can't wait to take the competition by storm!" He then spotted a bag dangling above a prickly-looking bush. "Hey, I totally got this," he said to the others. Tyler sprinted towards the bush and jumped to grab the bag, but missed and fell into the prickers. A wailing noise was heard and he sprinted out of the bush covered in thorns. "You disgust me," Eva said. She casually walked through the prickers, not making any sort of facial expression, and grabbed the bag, then left. "She's a frightening one," Noah said. "Pssh, I coulda done that too y'know!" Tyler said defensively. Eva was shown in the confessional. "I just hope that everyone else is as moronic as Tyler. It'll be easier to UNLEASH MY WRATH on my fellow contestants." Katie and Sadie were walking through the woods, gushing over Hustin Heever and squealing. Suddenly, Max walked obnoxiously in between them. "Greetings, women," he said. "Ew, you're not Hustin!" Katie said disappointedly. "Like, who are you?" Sadie said to Max. "I am the true force of malevolence in this puny island! I have decided that you two will be my sidekicks. How do you like 'The Terrible Twins'? Or is that too cliche..." Max said, pacing about. "Nevertheless, I command you to help me find my bag at once!" "Like... whatever," Katie said to him. Sadie nodded. "Yessss, YESSSS!!" Max yelled in the confessional, "With these two morons on my side, first, I shall take over this game... and then, and ONLY THEN, THE WORLD!!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA--" "Hey keep it down in there!" Someone yelled from outside. Max coughed loudly, "No matter, EVIL will prevail, DESPITE ANY INTERRUPTIONS!!!" "Hurry up, minions!" Max said. "I don't have all day! I must get back to my speed-watch of 'Catching Up With The Carcrashians'-- I mean, 'How To Be Evil 101'! Yes! That's it." "We're like, trying!" Sadie yelled at him, "It's like, really really REALLY hot and gross out here," Suddenly, Justin walked by and winked at the two girls, "Did someone just say really really REALLY hot?" Katie and Sadie then immediately squealed and ran over to him, "OhmiGOSH I love you Justin!!!" Katie exclaimed, hugging him. "I love you more!" Sadie yelled, hugging him as well. "Uh, but I love him MORE more!" Katie said, tugging Justin closer to her. "No you don't, I love him MORE MORE more!" Sadie said, grabbing Justin's arm and dragging him over to her. "Laaaadies, ladies. There is enough of the Justin for all!" Justin said, flexing. Katie and Sadie then hugged him more. Max scoffed. "...Evil is like a lone wolf..." Ezekiel is seen walking alone, with his hands in his pockets, "Man this bites, yo," Blaineley then walks up to Ezekiel. "Oh, it's you again? I still don't regret ratting you out to McLean." "Oh shove off, hoser," Ezekiel said, pushing past Blaineley. "You just made me lose a chance at the mill, eh. But no worries, I'm gonna win this time!" "Keep telling yourself that, honey," Blaineley said. "I've got some ties with production! That may or may not mean Chef..." "Pssh, Blaineley is just a buncha talk and no walk," Ezekiel said in the confessional, "She ain't gonna rob me of the mill again, eh!" "Ezekiel is a hopeless being," Blaineley said in the confessional. "Thankfully, he's obviously washed up. Nobody cares about the guy! He'll probably be out first again!" She began laughing obnoxiously, and the covered her mouth, "...Could you strike that from the confessional?" Brick is walking through the forest, and Beardo is following behind him, making a military drumbeat from his mouth. "Hey, I appreciate all the sounds and all, private," said Brick. "But a soldier needs keen senses to find his target. And you're not really helping that. Not that I don't want to become a comrade of yours! Of course I do!" "Hey, man, it's cool," Beardo said. "I just need to enlighten people with my tunes." "Whoa!" Brick said. "You talk?!" "Of course, I talk," Beardo said rhythmically, "I just get... kinda nervous... around new people," Ella randomly skipped by the two, singing and throwing flower petals into the air. The two looked at her for a second then resumed their conversation. "...Oh. Well I'm glad you are comfortable around me, soldier!" Brick said, saluting Beardo, he then turned around and walked directly into a lead pipe, Beardo whistled as Brick fell to the ground. "...what?" Amy and Samey were seen walking through the forest and bickering, as usual. Trent walked up behind them. "Whoa, guys, you need any help?" he said blandly. "NO!" Amy yelled. "We don't need your help, TRENT! As a matter of fact, I don't know why I'm with Spareamy anyway! Get lost." "Hey, Sammy, want to come with me?" Trent said calmly. Amy flinched at the mention of "Sammy". "Oh, you mean us?" Dawn said, randomly appearing from behind Trent, who jumped. "Where did you come from?!" Trent said, backing away from her. "Man, I feel so empty without Gwen," said Trent in the confessional. "I guess I just have to be nice to the other girls on the island? Or just everyone? Man, this is tough." He slapped his forehead. "Don't worry, friend! I know that your insecurities stem from season two," Dawn said. "We can help you, I'm sure! And Sammy, your emotionally abusive sister won't torture you anymore, I promise." "How... Wait, why do you say that? How can you control that?" Samey said. Before she could say anything else, Dawn disappeared. Suddenly, a loudspeaker crackled loudly, "Okay, it's been THREE HOURS and only THREE people have found bags?! We did not lose five interns for this! I've had enough of this, everyone come back to camp... and Staci, GET OUT OF THE CONTROL ROOM!" A "ja" is barely heard through the loudspeaker before it violently crackled again. The contestants are all seen in front of Chris, who is frowning. "Okay. So. Leonard, Anne Maria, and Eva were the only ones who actually followed the instructions and got bags." "Hey, that was impossible, dude! Not fair!" Tyler, who was still covered in cuts, said. "So! We've decided to split the teams up ourselves!" Chris giggled. "For maximum dramatic effect, obviously. First of all, Leonard and Eva, you will be on the Humiliated Hippos!" A purple logo of a lumpy-looking hippo head appeared on the screen. "Excellent! The hippo is my spirit animal!" Leonard said, triumphantly. Eva then pushed him down. "Shut up, nerd," Eva said gruffly, walking past him. "And Anne Maria, you'll be on the Rejected Rhinos!" Chris announced. An orange logo of a sad-looking rhino appeared. "'Ey, I ain't no rhino! I'm much more glam than THAT," Anne Maria scoffed. "Hey, I didn't make up the names," Chris shrugged, "Alright, when I call your name, go stand with Leonard and Eva. Noah, Sam, Tyler, Blaineley, and Beardo," The four walked over, "Ella, Katie, Brick, aaaand..." Samey was crossing her fingers to be picked, "Sadie!" Sadie squealed with joy, "EEE!" She went and hugged Katie. Samey looked at Amy, who looked back at her angrily, and then looked down. "Alright, that means the rest of you are over here with Anne Maria!" Chris exclaimed, "Rodney, Max, Justin, Ezekiel, Dawn, Staci, Trent, Dakota, Amy, and Samey!" Samey looked at Chris desperately, "Please no! Don't put me with... her!" She gestured to Amy, and Amy's eye twitched as she grinned maliciously. "...Yeah, that might be a good idea..." Chris said, looking at Amy, "Okay, uh... Samey, you and Sadie switch teams," "Yay!" Samey said, walking over to the Hippos, obviously relieved. "What?! No! Not Sadie!" Katie exclaimed, sadly, "This is so unfair!" "I agree! This is like really unfair!" Sadie whined to Chris, "Can I like, switch with someone?" "Nope!" Chris said, gleefully. "But you just let her switch!" Katie said, angrily. "Yeah... but the producers clearly stated every contestant has to stay alive all season, injured and mamed, sure, but Amy is looking seriously crazy right now..." Chris gestured to Amy again. Katie and Sadie hugged sadly, "I'm gonna miss you so much!" Sadie said sadly. "This is almost as emotional as 'Titanic'," Noah said. "Ugh shut it Noah!" Sadie yelled, "I love you Katie!" "I love you more!" Katie yelled back at her. "Uh, you're like, two feet away from each other, can you stop?" Blaineley said to the two. "Oh... love..." Rodney sighed, and glanced at Staci, who looked extremely confused. Katie is seen in the confessional, "Okay like, that was totally NOT COOL? Like, she took my best friend away from me! Sammy is so going down!" "Eh, I'm feelin' comfortable with my team," Ezekiel said in the confessional. "I am totes gonna win this one, eh! As long as the girls aren't too touchy this time... Yeesh." "I'm kinda shocked Chris actually let me switch teams..." Samey said in the confessional, "but if it means I can get away from that psycho, I'm okay with it!" Staci was shown in the confessional, looking smug. "Ja, my team is looking amazing! I've got so many hot boys who will be dazzled by my beautiful body, extremely rich daddy, and significant and amazing ancestors. And I can also do some strategizing because I'm strategical and really good at it, ja. I can totally convince them to get on my side because who doesn't want to align with the cool girl whose great-grandfather invented alliances? His name was Henry and before him everyone was all nice and trusting all the time and it was not fun, ja, so sad." "Unlike the jerks who didn't BELIEVE in me last time, these people I can see myself being friends with, especially Sam, I mean, he even knows what LaserCraft III is!" Leonard said in the confessional. "I am delighted to be back on Total Drama," said Dawn in the confessional. "As long as my aura reading doesn't get people too touchy, of course. I must beware of traitors, too! That shouldn't be too difficult." "This is my big shot!" Dakota exclaimed in the confessional, she then got extremely close to the camera, "So get ready Canada! Dakota Milton is going to be a household name and I know it!" She blew a kiss to the camera. "Well there you have it, the beginning of the most dramatic Total Drama season yet!" Chris exclaimed to the camera, "With the contestants revealed and the teams sorted, what kind of drama will come now!? Who will win, who will lose, and who will be the first person voted out? Probably Ezekiel, but find out for sure next time on Total! Drama! Second Chances!" He then signed off and the screen turned to black.